Friday, 26 October 2012

Of Feeling My Age & Birthday Celebrations

This past week I turned 23.

To me, the years just seem to be getting faster and faster,few weeks ago I started dwelling on certain things for a while I realised that I haven't really done much and decided to make a change and do things I thought I'd never dare to do before. I entered myself into a student election to become a faculty rep of the Business school at my University, I may have lost by 4 votes but I felt excited and thrilled at the prospect of heading into uncharted territory and making a contribution to my universities future. For one of my modules in my third year, I'm participating in a team in which we hope to improve the level of sustainability at my university by thinking of a new, creative way of promoting it and raising the awareness to students, staff and the local community to help. It's all been a learning experience, but I've enjoyed learning new stuff :)

Anyway, went off on a tangent, time to get back to what happened during my birthday week. My birthday (on the Tuesday) I had to attend Uni for 5 hours which I was looking forward to - not because of the dull lectures, but seeing my friends there would mean the world to me - everyone wished me happy birthday and I always get a smile on my face when I got wished Happy Birthday in person, text, facebook, BBM. When I got a text off my crush (Refer to: How 1 Day Changes Everything) that made me smile more than anything that happened during my day. For Lunch, I was treated by my mate Luke to Nandos which is always a rare treat to go with friends, did the usual guy chats (Mainly about Football, FIFA, Gaming and thinking about Graduation next October) it was nice to have, bit of a let down that other Uni mates weren't able to make it but as they had conflicting lectures at all times during the day there was nothing I could do.
Later in the evening, I had a table booked for Prezzo with some of my friends from home which I was excited for. They all surprised me by meeting me at mine and showering me with hugs and card/present giving. Got a mixture of a couple of bottles of Jagermeister, Greek alcohol called Ouzo & shot glass, a £20 Cineworld gift which is coming in very handy right now, as I'm basically going to the cinema at least once a week, must consider getting one of them cineworld memberships - anyway, after a little chiwag and a giggle at mine, we headed out in the freezing cold to Prezzo to meet two other people who have been distant with me for the last year and not sure whether I considered them friends still. At Dinner, we all had a good laugh and ended up spending £114 between 7 of us! Took plenty of pictures and after a long day - it's considered one of my more happier birthdays.

Heading into Wednesday, my friend Sheri came down for a visit until Sunday. We had an amazing time catching up and having random Monster hypos, lost count of how many cans we actually drunk but we were stark-raving mad! I educated her on the Avengers Marathon, watched all the movies and told her the story behind it and what is to come - I think I turned her into a Marvel fan even though she prefers, Dark Knight Rises to Avengers! (Kick in the teeth to all Marvel fans). I took her for a trip to Cambridge to show her around the main city nearest to me, took her around the shops, spent some money on books, dvds, Big Bang Theory poster, and on lunch, we went to see Paranormal Activity 4 which in my opinion, was playing it safe compared to the last 3, very slow build up, creepy kids, but the final 20 minutes were jumpy and 'oh shit' moments.

Saturday, was my big night outand it was 'GEEK' themed!! I did go all out with my geek outfit and was joined by my friends Nick, James and Karen to go geeky, my friends Sheri and Tasha and Karen's friend Sarah came with glasses which is just as good :) For pre-drinks, had quite a bit before going out was feeling light-headed, and as I've not been on a proper drinking night since Download back in June. After another Strongbow and a Cocktail pitcher to myself at Spoons, I was pretty drunk at about 9-ish and after this, the night was pretty much a blur - next thing I knew, I woke up in my room at about 11 the next morning, but apparently:
  • Danced like a weirdo most of the evening.
  • Tipped a guy WAY too much for some handwash and aftershave.
  • Decided to pick up Sheri and Nick, and got picked up by James. (Rather emabarrassing lol!)
  • Danced to 'Gangnam Style' and had everyone in hysterics.
So, overall an uber-busy Birthday week, one of my better birthdays but will aim to hold an event next year and do something with my close friends :)

Friday, 12 October 2012

How 1 Day Changes Everything

(''..And in that moment, I swear we were infinite'' ~ Charlie)
 
This past Wednesday I met up with an old college friend Emma for a catch up, we have met up a few times before and had a good time and we decided we would make it a regular thing, we decided on going to Nandos for Emma to lose her 'Nandos virginity' and go see a film of my choice (As we take it in turns), and this time I chose to watch 'Perks of being a wallflower' which had Emma Watson starring. I must say before I go any further that I would recommend to go see this time as it is very good, but it does have it's intense moments near the end but Emma Watson comes out of her shell in this film, it has lots of laughs in it and an awesome soundtrack.
 
Back to what I'm going to write, the movie was intense and in some of the moments in the film really hit me and made me ponder about my life and link between the two and it opened my eyes to something I've been trying hard not to do. I know over the past summer, I've told stories of some 'conquests' and I know some of the things I may have lost some respect to some friends, but looking back I have ashamed myself too because that isn't me. I know being single has its benefits, but sometimes when I see my friends in such amazing relationships and on the cusp of getting engaged, or are engaged, and I want that in my life.
 
I may be 23 and considered young to some, but I hate being lonely and losing faith in finding that someone for me, I laugh it off that my 2 best friends from university take a funny jab that I'm the 'single one' of the group, but it does get to me. And I finally got to the point that I need to vent this out and I don't know who I can go to about this because I am having trouble with trust issues as of late, but this is the story:
 
There's this girl that I've known for 4 years, we first met when I went for an interview for a place at a college, she stood out from that group, from first sight she looked mature, pretty and easy to talk to, but because I had confidence issues with girls at that time, I shy'd away. We barely spoke for the first year and a half but we had each other as friends on both Bebo and Facebook. But suddenly,she started talking to me on MSN and we got to know each other alot more, and over the last couple of years we have grown to be very close friends, but for me, I've grown to like her more than just a friend. To some people who may know me, YES I do say some girls that pass-by that they look pretty cute and I meet up with girls most of the time (because I find it easier to get on with girls that I do with guys), but this time its different, I haven't liked someone like this since my last relationship, which ended last January.
 
The main problem with this is, because of my confidence issues, I've grown a fear of rejection which has prevented me from saying anything about this to her. Every time I receive a text from her, or see a picture of her on facebook - I cant help but smile, whenever I get the chance to see her - I never want her to leave, I have surprised her a few times;
  • Valentines Day 2012 ~ Sent flowers,chocolates and CD of one of her favourite bands to her door.
  • Surprise visit at her work.
  • Sent her a belated birthday gift of two things she has wanted for ages (Huge hoodie & a piece of Travis Barker (Even though, it was only his autograph))
  • Bought her a dress for her last Summer Ball because she couldn't afford it, but as she didn't go I didn't give it to her until I got to see her at a later time.
I just wish I had the confidence to tell her how I actually feel to her face.
 
Guys have come and gone in her life, and they have all treated her badly, I've been there for her to offer advice to help keep them relationships healthy and to keep her happy, be a shoulder to cry on when it got too much for her, cheered her up and made her smile again - key words: I'VE. BEEN. THERE.... through everything I never left her side. What I don't understand about girls is that, How I can be the one guy to talk to about anything and help them and make them smile and happy, and not be considered as boyfriend material, instead of being a permanent occupant of 'the friends zone'.
 
YES, we are basically best friends and I wouldn't want to damage that but I have to cling on to that little bit of faith I have left in me right now that it wouldn't get damaged because I wouldn't let it happen. I would be there for her like no other guy has, I know her pet peeves about what annoys her most about guys, I believe that I can make her the happiest she's ever been. We'd go out on dates, romantic weekends away, holidays to our dream locations, and everything else that a couple should do to make it work.
 
To me, she is the prettiest girl in my life right now. I can't imagine being with no one else other than her because there is no one better. (Taking a quote from the Perks of being a wallflower film) 'I don't want her to be just a crush. I can't keep carrying it around inside. I want to show her, so she can feel it too.'
 
I wish it were that easy, like it can be in the films, but with how my confidence is right now, I pretty much know the answer I would get - and I haven't really thought about how I would cope if this girl rejects me. I guess all I can do is keep the faith and hope that maybe, just maybe she could feel the same way.